Life- illuminated- as you may have inferred this blog talks about different views on is definitely one thing which nobody till date has fully described! Adding up a little more effort to the others, I pour in my writings , thoughts and views mainly on life from time to time. Welcome, you are about to penetrate deep down in my mind.

Sunday, October 9, 2011


Ghosts - No.
Darkness - No. 
I fear not the usual. What I fear has a story , something I'm what I'm because of it today. 
2007 , 3 years ago. 
Life was good. Everything I wanted , moreover everyone I wanted. 
People I loved , people I bore in my heart. Everybody walked along with me in the path of life , never had I even imagined a day when I would lose any of them. 
But death controls life is what we all know. I lost a huge piece of my life , my heart and my soul on that day. Endless tears , darkened soul , diminished lights , falling hope , losing optimism i simply lost someone who was and is still dear to me , more than my life. A flashback of memories , they played in my mind like a slide show. every moment I lived and never thought would value made me cry harder. What I lost was not just a dear one , but a major part of my life. For I drowned in my own pool of tears and lost ties with hope. For never did I think I can love somebody again this much. A year passed , I wasn't okay still. Condition worsened , Cuts on my skin were normal. Sleepless nights were the usual. Crying when alone , well that became more of a habit. Deep within I knew this wasn't right. I took decisions I shouldn't have . One of it being - never to love somebody again , NEVER. 
For love of any sought gave only pains .. for he was my guiding light , for he was my guardian angel , for he was my world. And I saw my world fall apart in front of me.. 
Love was a big deal , I decided not to get close to anyone. ANYONE.
I started loosening up ties with people.
Started drawing apart . 
I wanted to go as far as possible.
Death ruled my every thought.. I was scared of loving. Loving somebody again. For this fall for me was hard.
Time passed by , I was on medical treatments. I started talking to people. Made friends . But not the ones I was really emotionally attached with , neither was I ready for it. 
I made an exception for you. 
Don't know how. We just talked. You understood me better than I understood myself. We just sat down together occasionally , you helped me rise back again , you started building a place for yourself in my heart , unknowingly I let you do so. you broke down the walls I had built to keep people out . 
Much later was it when I realized I love you. I didn't know how to react. For was it good to be close to someone again. After almost 2 years. Was I ready ? Was all this okay?
Answers to these questions were never found then. 
You have ever since been the apple of my eye.
You've never since then let me down.
You've never let me go back to my past.
You've always held me upright when I feel weak.
You've always held my hand when I needed guidance.
Now what I fear is LOSING YOU.
For it was because of you , I got back to normal.
I started talking to other people.
I let people in my heart once again. 
I talked to them. They talked to me ( It was a big deal then , with such a condition ).
You gave me my usual life back. 
I've so many close ones and dear ones now.
All I'm afraid of is now , LOSING THEM.
I don't know how to thank you. Never have I talked to you about this. 
But I want to dedicate this post to you. 
For you had that magic in your words and could capture my mind.
For you have a true heart that captured mine.
For you have a captivating soul that I fell for. 
Basically, for you are YOU.

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